Apocalypse Eventually

Ahoy, rumor fans! Lately, I've been hearing tons of insider gossip about an upcoming Apocalypse update. Yes, you heard that right: After Games Workshop released a new edition of Warhammer 40,000 that doesn't properly synergize with the Apocalypes rules and removed the Apocalypse datasheets from their website, most people assumed that nothing was changing. Wrong!

• New version of Apocalypses scheduled "for sixth edition".
• Will be 100% compatible with sixth edition.
• New sixth edition datasheets for sixth edition.
• Structure Points replaced by Hull Points, like in sixth edition.
• Flyer rules changed to be more like the sixth edition flyer rules from sixth edition.
• Alliance rules changed to be more like the sixth edition alliance rules from sixth edition.
• "Very powerful" new formations.
• Eldar formation with a bunch of Fire Prisms.
• Chaos formation with either "darkness" or "corruption" in the name. Supposedly "very nasty". Sounds nasty!

Also, hat tip to TheDarkGeneral for the following specific and useful information:

This project started earlier this year and with 6th Edition just around the corner at the time, it was an easy push back. I'm assuming the plan to keep it very flexable and broad in terms of hard lined rules will remain, with more themed scenario options linking some things from City Fight, Battle Missions & Planetstrike within. 

An insider like myself, he was the first to reveal the mechanics of the latest Chaos Space Marine codex, including:

• Khorne Daemon Princes prevent you from taking Scouts (true; there are no Scouts in the codex).
• Alpha Legion can control enemy vehicles (true; you can drive your vehicles in front of them and stop them from moving forward).
• Nurgle gets access to poisoned flamers (true; you can take Imperial Guard allies with a Banewolf)
• Khorne units must engage in combat every turn or suffer a penalty (true; being shot at is a penalty).
• Lash of Submission is changed to be more in line with the Daemon version (true; lash was removed entirely, forcing you to use Daemon allies).
• Word Bearers might get a special unit called "Daemonmancers" (true; they didn't).

With a track record like this, I'm anticipating great things for Apocalypse in the future!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

100% confirmation that Eldar are probably being released perhaps at some point

My insider sources are telling me to "expect something big in 2013". Yes, while other, less-reputable rumor sites are most likely telling you to expect something of regular size or smaller, I alone know that the big silhouette of something big, bigly rising over the horizon of rumors, obscuring all the smaller-than-big things behind it with its bigness... is big. So, Eldar, I guess.

• Eldar codex is "in the pipeline (not a literal pipeline, because then it would get wet)".
• It will be called "Codex: Eldar".
• Eldar psykers will be able to use two new disciplines, plus at least two from the rulebook.
• Playtest rumors suggest that Bonesingers "might" be in and "might" have a new discipline called "Bonomancy".
• EXODITES ARE IN! One source indicates that he saw a "large-scale figure" with a "strange cape" riding on a "monopose green dragon". In a first for Citadel Miniatures, the dragon apparently acts like a launcher, flinging the rider into the air, who then descends using his cape. Unsure how this functions in the game, though.
• Other sources say the above is actually a description of "Summit", an action figure based on the short-lived cartoon Dragon Flyz.
• "At least two new plastic aspect kits". You'd think I'd be able to get more specific information, like actually knowing which ones and how many, given that my source supposedly works for the company producing them, but I'm just too busy right now, and I'll get more accurate information shortly after someone credible posts something informative about it.
• Mystery large vehicle/ monstrous creature / flyer / anything else that could conceivably use an oval base.
• Release date may be shuffled with Tau.
• Plastic Rangers / Pathfinders. New design that "looks similar" but is "improved". May get "increased access to special rules"
• Anything above that doesn't come out is planned for a later wave.
• Eldar players will be "very happy" as the codex is "very powerful" and "in line with other recent codexes".

Fans, rejoice!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Rumors FOR THE GREATER GOOD (it's a reference)

It's been a slow week for rumors, so today I'm going to offer confirmations instead, because I respect my fans enough to provide them with material even when there's nothing to provide. Confirmations are exactly like my usual rumors, only I don't even bother with the pretense that I know what I'm talking about or that any of this is worth reading. So, on to Tau!

A birdy has tweeted through the grapevine - the rumor grapevine - that Tau are indeed getting a "large suit" in the next codex. This fits with what other people are saying, meaning my superior knowledge is confirming it, not that I'm nodding along to make it look like I'm in the know. Insiders.

Other things I can confirm about the suit:

• It will be in the new codex, and "possibly" previewed in a White Dwarf supplement "like every fucking thing else".
• It will be either a Monstrous Creature OR a Walker. So it won't have wheels, I guess.
• It will use the large oval base, so anyone worried about trying to balance a giant robot on a 1" plastic circle need not worry - they've got that pretty much covered.
• "Like a Gundam kit, only smaller, less posable and much more expensive"
• Possibly called "The Halibut". It's described as "Powerful - and I'm not squidding!", "Not for the koi", "Kicks some serious bass", "Will put the fear of cod into your opponents" and "Has incredible krilling power".

Sounds FIN-tastic!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

A dastardly troll steals my Dark Angels rumors!

I do not know who this "Stickmonkey" is, but these so-called "new" rumors look suspiciously familiar, wouldn't you say?

Stickmonkey, if that is indeed his real name, says:

Expected Dark Angels Launch miniatures:
Deathwing Box
Ravenwing Box
Dark Angels Powered Armor Box
Mystery Large Vehicle

3 New Characters:
Belial,
Asmodai
Namaan
...existing characters moved to finecast.

Dark Angels recieve a Full codex - not a White Dwarf update.

Rumor fans, you know where you've heard these before! The initial wave of releases including figures you need to play the army properly, the characters being moved to finecast, a "large vehicle" and the Codex being a Codex were all reported here first. ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS!!!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Black Templars "at some point, perhaps"

GOOOOOOOOD MORNING RUMOR FANS! I have returned with some new factoids from my insider sources, this time on the Emperor's third-finest, the Black Templars.

A mysterious source who for some reason talks like ad copy revealed the following to me in a secret coded document hidden in the sole of his shoe:

• Black Templars are "in the pipeline".
• Brace yourselves for a shock: All the redundant, anachronistic rules that ceased to function properly after 4th edition will be updated to work in 6th edition. Yes, that is news and could only have been gotten from an insider source.
• The Emperor's Champion is "much more powerful".
• New character called "something like" Grimdark Hellbane.
• New "Brazen Knight" unit of Khorne Berserkers riding Juggernauts Templars on bikes with lances "or something".
• New models and artwork "a lot more gothic".
• Boltguns.
• Plastic Neophyte box AND plastic Initiate box. No more wax or bronze figures anymore!
• New vow possibly called "Too Black, Too Strong".
• Codex "penciled in" for "prior to the heat death of the universe".
• "Eventual" eBook release.

Sounds awesome!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Chaos Daemons 100% Accurate Rumors From Someone Else

If there's one thing I've learned from my many years as a rumors expert, it's that I simply don't have the time to list every rumor I hear from my insider sources - there are just too many! This can, unfortunately, lead to situations where a so-called "credible" source reveals something that's coming out very, very shortly that I've never mentioned before, leading people to wonder how it is that I know about what's coming out six months from now (pending playtests), but not next week. This has led some jealous individuals to label me "an attention-seeking fraud", "a liar" and "the reason I can't be bothered reading the Warseer rumor boards anymore". Thankfully, the mods appreciate me and have shut down such baseless and slanderous accusations.

According  to 75hastings69 AND ME

• Daemons in February 2013
• Nurgle fly things.
• Other things 75hastings69 said; I wasn't really paying attention.

But just to prove I'm not just copying someone else's rumors, here's some info you can get ONLY FROM ME:

• Hardback army book.
• In color.
• Contains background, rules and gallery sections. 
• Paragraphs "composed of multiple sentences".
• "at least" two new plastic kits and "some" finecast kits.
• "The bloodlust of Khorne knows no bounds..." - sounds dangerous!
• Malal is not in it, but may be alluded to.
• Slaanesh designs "hard to fap to" and "a let-down, because apparently there aren't enough tits on the internet".
• Khorne stuff will be red, I guess.

Sounds epic!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Sisters of Battle rumors!

Gamers are advised to get thee to a nunnery - a grim, dark nunnery, that is! Yes, it's time for the perennial Sisters of Battle rumors!

People may recall that roughly every eighteen months I mention that Sisters of Battle are "in early development". As always, I was right: They're in early development.

Here's what I know from my insider sources:

• Plastic Sisters! Yes, you heard that right: A core unit that's only available in metal and came out in 1998 is going to be replaced by a new, plastic sculpt. Only me and my insider sources can bring you this kind of breaking news.
• As for looks, they will "look different" while "keeping the same basic style".
• The plastic kit "may" build both Sisters and "a new unit" who are "similar in function to Sternguard".
• Lots of fluff "reportedly" written by Mat Ward in which the Sisters lose every single battle and are skinned alive in horrifying detail, apart from two battles in which they're saved by the Grey Knights, then killed.
• New plastic Exorcist kit that builds both the Exorcist and "a new Heavy Support choice" that "possibly has either 'Sins', 'Redemption' or 'Lamentation' in the name".
• Plastic Seraphim who have "many upgrade options".
• Seraphim to receive a rule "similar" to Descent of Angels.
• Repentia are now "much improved".
• Penitent Engines have "new options".
• New sculpt of Uriah Jacobus who "may or may not have a different beard".
• A "very creepy" new character "based on artwork".
• "Probably a flyer, because everyone else gets them, I guess".
• Codex will be released in either mid 2013, late 2013, early 2014, mid 2014, late 2014 or early 2015. This will be "either before or after Tau".

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

New Dark Angels rumors!

My insider sources have just leaked the following juicy info to me and nobody else, because I am the closest thing the Warhammer community has to James Bond.

Release Date:

• 100% confirmation that there will be a new codex in July August September October November December January.
• Featured in White Dwarf.
• There will be advance orders available.

Codex:

• The Codex will be hardcover and in color.
• It will be about 100 pages long and feature both new artwork and some "surprising" new fiction.
• It will be available in a variety of languages, including "possibly" Chinese.
• The cover is a "very intimidating" Dark Angels painting.

Characters:

• All the current characters will be back, plus "some" past characters and "at least one" new character.
• Azrael is supposed to be "very scary" now.
• Ezekiel gains "at least" Mastery Level 2.
• "New upgrade character" - possibly Namaan?
• "We could see a lot more Watchers in the Dark in the board..."
• Cypher is "in the book", but maybe not playable (?). My sources conflict on this.

Units:

• Tactical squad is supposedly "more useful" thanks to a "Chapter Tactics-style rule".
• Deathwing terminators are "a lot more dangerous" than their vanilla counterparts.
• Deathwing "may function like Wolf Guard".
• A unit with "a scary-sounding name" who are supposedly "a bit like Sternguard, but with more plasma, maybe".
• Ravenwing "make the White Scars look like they're on scooters" - sounds nasty!
• Scouts are either Troops, Elite or "maybe" Fast Attack.
• At least one unit gets Flakk Missiles.

Vehicles:

•  New "Plasma-heavy" tank, either a Predator or possible Land Raider variant.
• Rhinos available for "most" squads.
• Dreadnoughts have "a lot more" ranged weapon options.
• New vehicle that "has a name that sounds a bit like something from the Book of Enoch" which is "either a flyer or a large walker".
• Supposedly Dark Angels vehicles have "a way around" the Gets Hot! rule.

Weapons:

• Plasma gun.
• Combi-Plasma.
• Plasma-Plasma.
• Plasma Cannon with twin-linked Plasma Gun.
• Plasma Cannon with another co-axial Plasma Cannon.
• Gatling Plasma.
• Flamer with a "Plasma-like" profile.
• Boltguns.
• Force Weapons as standard on Psykers.

Models:

• "Most of" the new vehicles will be part of the initial release.
• "At least" two new plastic unit kits.
• Finecast characters.
• Finecast upgrade frame.
• Plastic Deathwing kit with "many options".

Keep in mind that these are playtest rumors and therefore won't be 100% accurate. Anyone asking why I'm discussing playtest rumors for something that's already been printed and therefore finished being playtested months ago will be banned.

Over and out,
Branchbaboon.

THE RUMOR MILL IS OPEN, GAMERS!

Do you want awesome news and rumors about the future of Warhammer and Wahammer 40,000, but can't seem to find any that details releases more than a month or so in the future, as if Games Workshop has a very strict non-disclosure policy and the only genuine information comes from people who get advance copies of products? Then you've come to the right place!

I, Branchbaboon, have many awesome insider sources who for some reason only ever leak information to me because I'm just that awesome (number of sources and what departments they work in, if any, are subject to change without prior notice or subsequent explanation). But remember, because my insider sources are so deep within Games Workshop's design department, some of my rumors may not come out exactly as I predicted, so take them with a pinch of salt and never ever bring up the times I've been wrong or I'll have you banned.

"But Branchbaboon", I hear you ask, "this all sounds like total bullshit that you're making up for attention. How do I know I can trust you?". Well, feudal fandom serf, I'll have you know that my track record has an impressive 85% accuracy, having accurately predicted the following:

• The new addition of Warhammer 40,000 will come in a box: It did.
• There will be new Daemon units released for Warhammer AND Warhammer 40,000 at some point, featuring daemons aligned to at least two Chaos Gods: There were.
• A new Dark Angels codex will be released in August 2012: Correct. However, it was later pushed back to September 2012 November 2012 January 2013.
• The new Chaos Codex will contain at least one new unit: There were four, which is higher than one.
• Abaddon may or may not get a resculpt: He didn't.
• A bunch of resin Forge World stuff might get a mainstream plastic kit release: It still might.
• Chaos players will be "very happy" with the new Codex, which is "very powerful": Insider info you couldn't get anywhere else!

 Let's go, gamers!