Apocalypse Eventually

Ahoy, rumor fans! Lately, I've been hearing tons of insider gossip about an upcoming Apocalypse update. Yes, you heard that right: After Games Workshop released a new edition of Warhammer 40,000 that doesn't properly synergize with the Apocalypes rules and removed the Apocalypse datasheets from their website, most people assumed that nothing was changing. Wrong!

• New version of Apocalypses scheduled "for sixth edition".
• Will be 100% compatible with sixth edition.
• New sixth edition datasheets for sixth edition.
• Structure Points replaced by Hull Points, like in sixth edition.
• Flyer rules changed to be more like the sixth edition flyer rules from sixth edition.
• Alliance rules changed to be more like the sixth edition alliance rules from sixth edition.
• "Very powerful" new formations.
• Eldar formation with a bunch of Fire Prisms.
• Chaos formation with either "darkness" or "corruption" in the name. Supposedly "very nasty". Sounds nasty!

Also, hat tip to TheDarkGeneral for the following specific and useful information:

This project started earlier this year and with 6th Edition just around the corner at the time, it was an easy push back. I'm assuming the plan to keep it very flexable and broad in terms of hard lined rules will remain, with more themed scenario options linking some things from City Fight, Battle Missions & Planetstrike within. 

An insider like myself, he was the first to reveal the mechanics of the latest Chaos Space Marine codex, including:

• Khorne Daemon Princes prevent you from taking Scouts (true; there are no Scouts in the codex).
• Alpha Legion can control enemy vehicles (true; you can drive your vehicles in front of them and stop them from moving forward).
• Nurgle gets access to poisoned flamers (true; you can take Imperial Guard allies with a Banewolf)
• Khorne units must engage in combat every turn or suffer a penalty (true; being shot at is a penalty).
• Lash of Submission is changed to be more in line with the Daemon version (true; lash was removed entirely, forcing you to use Daemon allies).
• Word Bearers might get a special unit called "Daemonmancers" (true; they didn't).

With a track record like this, I'm anticipating great things for Apocalypse in the future!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

100% confirmation that Eldar are probably being released perhaps at some point

My insider sources are telling me to "expect something big in 2013". Yes, while other, less-reputable rumor sites are most likely telling you to expect something of regular size or smaller, I alone know that the big silhouette of something big, bigly rising over the horizon of rumors, obscuring all the smaller-than-big things behind it with its bigness... is big. So, Eldar, I guess.

• Eldar codex is "in the pipeline (not a literal pipeline, because then it would get wet)".
• It will be called "Codex: Eldar".
• Eldar psykers will be able to use two new disciplines, plus at least two from the rulebook.
• Playtest rumors suggest that Bonesingers "might" be in and "might" have a new discipline called "Bonomancy".
• EXODITES ARE IN! One source indicates that he saw a "large-scale figure" with a "strange cape" riding on a "monopose green dragon". In a first for Citadel Miniatures, the dragon apparently acts like a launcher, flinging the rider into the air, who then descends using his cape. Unsure how this functions in the game, though.
• Other sources say the above is actually a description of "Summit", an action figure based on the short-lived cartoon Dragon Flyz.
• "At least two new plastic aspect kits". You'd think I'd be able to get more specific information, like actually knowing which ones and how many, given that my source supposedly works for the company producing them, but I'm just too busy right now, and I'll get more accurate information shortly after someone credible posts something informative about it.
• Mystery large vehicle/ monstrous creature / flyer / anything else that could conceivably use an oval base.
• Release date may be shuffled with Tau.
• Plastic Rangers / Pathfinders. New design that "looks similar" but is "improved". May get "increased access to special rules"
• Anything above that doesn't come out is planned for a later wave.
• Eldar players will be "very happy" as the codex is "very powerful" and "in line with other recent codexes".

Fans, rejoice!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Rumors FOR THE GREATER GOOD (it's a reference)

It's been a slow week for rumors, so today I'm going to offer confirmations instead, because I respect my fans enough to provide them with material even when there's nothing to provide. Confirmations are exactly like my usual rumors, only I don't even bother with the pretense that I know what I'm talking about or that any of this is worth reading. So, on to Tau!

A birdy has tweeted through the grapevine - the rumor grapevine - that Tau are indeed getting a "large suit" in the next codex. This fits with what other people are saying, meaning my superior knowledge is confirming it, not that I'm nodding along to make it look like I'm in the know. Insiders.

Other things I can confirm about the suit:

• It will be in the new codex, and "possibly" previewed in a White Dwarf supplement "like every fucking thing else".
• It will be either a Monstrous Creature OR a Walker. So it won't have wheels, I guess.
• It will use the large oval base, so anyone worried about trying to balance a giant robot on a 1" plastic circle need not worry - they've got that pretty much covered.
• "Like a Gundam kit, only smaller, less posable and much more expensive"
• Possibly called "The Halibut". It's described as "Powerful - and I'm not squidding!", "Not for the koi", "Kicks some serious bass", "Will put the fear of cod into your opponents" and "Has incredible krilling power".

Sounds FIN-tastic!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

A dastardly troll steals my Dark Angels rumors!

I do not know who this "Stickmonkey" is, but these so-called "new" rumors look suspiciously familiar, wouldn't you say?

Stickmonkey, if that is indeed his real name, says:

Expected Dark Angels Launch miniatures:
Deathwing Box
Ravenwing Box
Dark Angels Powered Armor Box
Mystery Large Vehicle

3 New Characters:
Belial,
Asmodai
Namaan
...existing characters moved to finecast.

Dark Angels recieve a Full codex - not a White Dwarf update.

Rumor fans, you know where you've heard these before! The initial wave of releases including figures you need to play the army properly, the characters being moved to finecast, a "large vehicle" and the Codex being a Codex were all reported here first. ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS!!!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Black Templars "at some point, perhaps"

GOOOOOOOOD MORNING RUMOR FANS! I have returned with some new factoids from my insider sources, this time on the Emperor's third-finest, the Black Templars.

A mysterious source who for some reason talks like ad copy revealed the following to me in a secret coded document hidden in the sole of his shoe:

• Black Templars are "in the pipeline".
• Brace yourselves for a shock: All the redundant, anachronistic rules that ceased to function properly after 4th edition will be updated to work in 6th edition. Yes, that is news and could only have been gotten from an insider source.
• The Emperor's Champion is "much more powerful".
• New character called "something like" Grimdark Hellbane.
• New "Brazen Knight" unit of Khorne Berserkers riding Juggernauts Templars on bikes with lances "or something".
• New models and artwork "a lot more gothic".
• Boltguns.
• Plastic Neophyte box AND plastic Initiate box. No more wax or bronze figures anymore!
• New vow possibly called "Too Black, Too Strong".
• Codex "penciled in" for "prior to the heat death of the universe".
• "Eventual" eBook release.

Sounds awesome!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Chaos Daemons 100% Accurate Rumors From Someone Else

If there's one thing I've learned from my many years as a rumors expert, it's that I simply don't have the time to list every rumor I hear from my insider sources - there are just too many! This can, unfortunately, lead to situations where a so-called "credible" source reveals something that's coming out very, very shortly that I've never mentioned before, leading people to wonder how it is that I know about what's coming out six months from now (pending playtests), but not next week. This has led some jealous individuals to label me "an attention-seeking fraud", "a liar" and "the reason I can't be bothered reading the Warseer rumor boards anymore". Thankfully, the mods appreciate me and have shut down such baseless and slanderous accusations.

According  to 75hastings69 AND ME

• Daemons in February 2013
• Nurgle fly things.
• Other things 75hastings69 said; I wasn't really paying attention.

But just to prove I'm not just copying someone else's rumors, here's some info you can get ONLY FROM ME:

• Hardback army book.
• In color.
• Contains background, rules and gallery sections. 
• Paragraphs "composed of multiple sentences".
• "at least" two new plastic kits and "some" finecast kits.
• "The bloodlust of Khorne knows no bounds..." - sounds dangerous!
• Malal is not in it, but may be alluded to.
• Slaanesh designs "hard to fap to" and "a let-down, because apparently there aren't enough tits on the internet".
• Khorne stuff will be red, I guess.

Sounds epic!

Over and out,
Branchbaboon

Sisters of Battle rumors!

Gamers are advised to get thee to a nunnery - a grim, dark nunnery, that is! Yes, it's time for the perennial Sisters of Battle rumors!

People may recall that roughly every eighteen months I mention that Sisters of Battle are "in early development". As always, I was right: They're in early development.

Here's what I know from my insider sources:

• Plastic Sisters! Yes, you heard that right: A core unit that's only available in metal and came out in 1998 is going to be replaced by a new, plastic sculpt. Only me and my insider sources can bring you this kind of breaking news.
• As for looks, they will "look different" while "keeping the same basic style".
• The plastic kit "may" build both Sisters and "a new unit" who are "similar in function to Sternguard".
• Lots of fluff "reportedly" written by Mat Ward in which the Sisters lose every single battle and are skinned alive in horrifying detail, apart from two battles in which they're saved by the Grey Knights, then killed.
• New plastic Exorcist kit that builds both the Exorcist and "a new Heavy Support choice" that "possibly has either 'Sins', 'Redemption' or 'Lamentation' in the name".
• Plastic Seraphim who have "many upgrade options".
• Seraphim to receive a rule "similar" to Descent of Angels.
• Repentia are now "much improved".
• Penitent Engines have "new options".
• New sculpt of Uriah Jacobus who "may or may not have a different beard".
• A "very creepy" new character "based on artwork".
• "Probably a flyer, because everyone else gets them, I guess".
• Codex will be released in either mid 2013, late 2013, early 2014, mid 2014, late 2014 or early 2015. This will be "either before or after Tau".

Over and out,
Branchbaboon